I have lots of posts planned for the coming weeks/months. Bare with me as I get to writing them all. Some of them are journalism and it takes me longer to do these posts. For now, here’s a post about some symptoms I experienced during my episodes.
Google wants to tell me what the signs of a bipolar person are. I don’t need the warning. I have bipolar 1 disorder. I’ve spent years with therapists and psychiatrists going over my symptoms. I’ve been known to rapid-cycle on some occasions. Rapid-cycling means you go from manic to depressed sometimes within hours or a few days. No wonder I like spin class.
Ultra-talkative …until my words bubble over and I am talking so fast I no longer make sense.
Flights of Ideas… I have a million ideas I want to accomplish and as they keep coming they get more and more unpractical, sometimes even dangerous.
Impulsivity…I do and say reckless things.
Explosive anger…I confront people who I perceive have hurt me and scream at them
Hearing voices… inside my head start a running dialogue with me, constantly criticizing me as I go about what I’m doing
Paranoia I think the world is out to get me. I think people are doing bad things to me behind my back. I was bullied as a child and I think I have some PTSD from this.
Excessive Energy…I could exercise for hours or write pages and pages most of it psychotic crap
Grandiosity…I have inflated sense of self-esteem and of my accomplishments. Sometimes I can tell people I have skills that I never even studied.
My Depressions… Most of the time I can function but function barely. Forget the make up or a nice dress, I’ll wear yoga clothes everywhere. Voices beat me up inside my head and my ability to self-talk becomes a beat myself up opportunity. Old regrets become dark and dangerous. Cutting leads to suicidal feelings. I’ve been suicidal but never had the means to finish the job. Thank God.